The Weeping Match

Eli (also known as DJ Goldfish) was sitting at a table inside Sharkeez Gentleman's Club located in the Czech Republic. He was an American. Eli sat in a lounge with Sony headphones, an 8 gb iPod nano, a black Bic Pen, and a pad of college-ruled paper and scribbled various raps in preporation for his musical performance later that evening. He wore a trench coat.

The latest rap that had been written -

"I pop my colla like a motha-fucka,
right before I shoot you down like a cock-sucka,
and then I turn off the light switch
so I can fuck yo bitch,
before stealing yo money to get rich.
That's how I roll
Like a motha-fucka high on adderol, bitch."

After giving himself what appeared to be a self-congratulatory smile, Eli turned towards the large tank of water featured prominently inside Sharkeez Gentleman's Club. The tank featured many attractive females, all of which were noticed by Eli. One female, however, seemed to be noticed more than the others. She was a mermaid.

Eli made eye contact and motioned for her to come towards him. She did.

"I'm Eli."

The mermaid brushed her hair back, "I'm Kat."

Channeling the legendary energy of Tom Cruise, Eli began hopping up and down, stating, "I love you, let's get married! Let's get married, I love you!"

"Sure," Kat said, "Why not?"

"It'll be great," Eli said, holding Kat's hands. "We can get married in the Czech Republic, we'll have kids, we can move to the bottom of the Ocean- oh, maybe even Atlantis if we can afford it..."

"Wait a second," Kat interrupted, "What do you mean move to the bottom of the ocean?"

"Well you are a mermaid, aren't you?"

"No," Kat turned sideways. Through the glass Eli saw her point to a zipper on the side of her fin. It was fake.

"Oh," Eli opened up his trench coat, revealing a long green fin from his waist down. "Because I am... well, a merman that is. "